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In every relationship after a break up, one moves on while the other, “The one that really feels the impact of the break-up” still lingers on and day dreams about reconciling with their partner despite the distance or length at which the other person has gone to be away from them.

These types of Ex’s refuses to be Ex’d simply because they do not see their “LOVER “far away from them or in someone else’s arms. I for once do not see anything there, what I just believe is that you should have fought the battle when you still had the chance.

Now in the case of getting all “Mushy and loved up” when you know deep down that the person will still leave you is totally wrong, It can be likened to writing a death sentence and signing the papers. Now he or she wants to leave but you can not bring your heart to the idea of them leaving you forever.Of course, I have been in that kind of situation, so I know how it is to pretend like everything is okay and you do not need him or her to survive. The lies we tell ourselves.

The first stage after the break up is the hardest. Especially if you and that person used to live together. The one hurt finds it most difficult to believe that its truly the end. Which means no more “Sleeping together at night, late night conversations in the sheets, no more breakfast in bed, no more long walks and strolls with that person again, no more cuddling”.

For another, it is a lot to swallow, it is way more than staying together, it is emotional. So, they cannot eat, sleep, go through their normal routine, they become disorganized and broken. They find it real hard to move on.

At the second stage, they try to get over the pain and move on, but it is not easy. This kind of movement can be likened to that of a snail, very slow. They do not see reasons why they need someone else and because of that they start comparing the people they meet to their Ex.

That is when you hear conversations like “Mike wears ties, Dan does not, I love men looking corporate, Gosh I miss Mike” or “Natacha is tall, but Sandra is short, she does not know how to cook”. This conversation can be very annoying especially if you have met their ex before and you do not like how things ended with him or her and your friend.

To be honest, some people are yet to experience this kind of attachment for anyone so they might not be able to relate. No matter how hard you think it is for you to move on, believe me, you will, it might take time for some people it takes years to finally forget everything and give in to another person, while some it takes months.

What I am trying to say is that you should stop being vulnerable and weak. When someone tells you, they do not see the future with you or the person leaves you for another person, you must respect their opinions, move on and forget they existed in your life.

Do not be an object of mockery. If you keep putting yourself in the picture despite the person’s distance, it does not portray you as a strong person. To your EX you are a child that needs attention. Stop trying to scare who ever they choose over you, it does not make sense. Stop sending a thousand text messages to them, stop giving them attention, stop calling them. Stop doing everything you guys did when you were in that relationship.

It is over. Mike can not come pick you after work again, Natacha cannot prepare dinner for you before she leaves for work on a night shift. The only person that will be around you is YOU.  For a person like me, I do not like staying around drama or bad energy. So, when situations like this arises, I just walk away with a free mind, because that is the best thing to do.

Let me tell you a story, this experience changed me into a better person, I realized you should not chase people and who wants to be with you will be with you regardless of who YOU ARE.

I met this guy when I was still in high school, I was naïve, I had not been in a relationship before so anytime he asked me out I always turned him down because I did not have an idea of what a relationship entails.

This guy still did not relent, he would call me severally and beg, told me he had never been refused like this before and he wants me to give it a try. To my part, I would not say I did not like him or the attention he was giving me because I loved the fact that he did not care about how many times I turned him down, he just wanted me to change my mind.

I started thinking about a lot of things that night, I called him on the phone and accepted to go out with him, believe me the guy was very caring and romantic, bought me things, took me out on countless dates, made me love the idea of “ being in a relationship”, he even met my mother and told her he loved and adored me, I felt so lucky because I had friends that used to bore me with stories of how their boyfriend treats them and mine was totally different, he treated me like a princess.
We dated for three years and believe me, he was my first love, as I write down this article, memories keep flooding in my head like an ocean. 

The only issue we had was the distance, he lived in the city and I lived in the town, it would take me six to seven hours on the road to get to him coupled with the traffic and school did not give me time or space to go see him regularly.

We had a big break and I told him I was coming to spend time with him. Apparently, he was married, I did not know, his wife and kid were abroad, so when I asked to come spend time, he was reluctant, I asked if it was work, he gave me numerous excuses.

I am a very dramatic woman, trust me he had to beg me to come see him, that very day, I was so happy, I woke up early the next day so I would get there at a reasonable time. I noticed he was not his usual happy self when I got there, “he is faking something”, I said to myself and I asked him what was wrong, but he could not look me in the eye and talk.

I just decided to take my things into the room then I saw wedding pictures on the walls of him and a woman. I was startled, I felt dizzy and my heart was pounding fast. I went to meet him to explain things to me, he first faked crocodile tears then he started muttering what I could not fathom.

God! I cried and screamed and asked him why he did not leave me alone when I refused him and what exactly he choose to gain by playing me.

He said initially he just wanted to have fun but when he got closer to me, he fell in love that was why we could date for three years. I looked at him and called him a coward and I said “ no woman can satisfy you, even if your wife is here with you, you will still go out with multiple ladies, I do not know why you choose to deceive me because I trusted you and told you confidential things about me, you planned the future with me, you called me every night despite the distance, anytime I was upset you calmed me down, we shared intimate moments”.

My head was cloudy I ran into the room locked myself up till the next day and left very early in the morning and I never looked back. It was not easy because he was already a part of my schedule, I cried myself back home in the bus, I cried to school every day.

 One day I could not take it again I went out and bought alcohol, drank all its content and I called him on the phone crying and saying all sorts of things in-between, I was begging him to come pick me, I was being selfish not thinking of his innocent wife and child.

He bluntly told me his wife was permanently around and I should stop calling him. That day I went to the bathroom, washed my face, drank enough water, deleted the pictures we shared together with his number, I stopped crying and gloating and that was the last time I called him. He calls me still, sometimes I pick it up and there are times I ignore his calls.

What this story is meant to do to you reading this article is to stop you from gloating on toxic and negative people. Stop pushing yourself to depression, push yourself to positivity. I am with a very amazing man now and he is not just my man, he is my best friend. If that didn’t happen, I would not have met him. Stop seeing disappointments as your bus top, see it as a stepping stone to your destination.

Do not be the EX that refuses to be EX’D.



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